Loneliness from striking out on your own

Those of us who rushed out to start our own businesses may have never worried about this. Unfortunately, most people don’t rush out and start their own businesses. Instead, their life circumstances, like job losses, push them into it. This has been especially the case during the COVID pandemic, so this is an important current topic.

For those who didn’t chose to strike out on their own, that job loss is a significant set-back, one that can cause severe and long-term depression. One of the leading factors that causes this depression is the thought that we are no longer part of a company or organization.

All these feelings of inadequacy can lead us down a spiral of negativity about our own worth. It is in times like these that we look for guidance online. Unfortunately, that online world is also filled with negativity, starting with what the news cycle presents every day.

Then there is social media, but that can also lead down rabbit holes of negativity and false information, everything from get-rich-quick schemes to conspiracy theories. That is because despite all these resources being free, they aren’t really free. They need to sell something, and right now, you are not in a position to be buying frivolously.

The biggest difference between those who work for someone else and those who work for themselves, is that the latter do not have co-workers, supervisors or a company that stands behind them. That feeling of loneliness is the main reason for depression. To get past to the depression, we first need to deal with the loneliness.

Addressing loneliness head-on

When we work at a company or organization, we typically work with others who provide a sense of community and belonging. Even in some of the lonelier professions, for example computer programming, location scouting, deep sea welder to name just a few, people are still part of a company, a structure, and a team. At a very minimum there is a supervisor who oversees the work and likely other employees in the same profession that can occasionally provide a sense of community.

When people strike out on their own, all that is gone. One of the first concerns to hit you is the sense of being part of an organized unit, a company vision, and being involved in something bigger than your own job. To address that, we need recreate this when starting one’s own business, even if it’s going to be recreated on a smaller scale.

Developing that sense of purpose is the first task. Whether you left your work because you chose to or not, finding a new purpose is also a key part of moving on. So, what is your new business’ goal or mission? Why not start with your business plan? Look at your business plan and read it aloud to yourself. As a matter of fact, do this every morning when you wake up.

Don’t have a business plan? Then write one! There are many resources online for finding templates. The first one I used was from a book, and it turned out to be a bit outdated, but here is one one from Business News Daily that is very good. In a hurry? Use the one from Live Plan. It only takes 30 minutes. As I said, there are many others, but make sure you take some time to think it through.

Your business plan is your blueprint for what you are going to be doing next. So use it, study it, memorize it. Revise it, if you must, but this document will form the blueprint on which you will build your new company. Likewise, it can serve as the blueprint for turning around your mental state.

The next step of dealing with loneliness is to rebuild the supervisor-employee relationship. Obviously, because you are on your own, there is no boss to oversee your work. However, you can find a mentor. Try and find someone who is in the same industry as the business you are trying to build, someone who has done it on their own as well.

There are also many resources for this online and not all are for free. You might start with family and friends that you trust. If you don’t mind someone new and you have no money to spend on this, you can reach out to SCORE, a non-profit contracted by the Small Business Association (SBA). They can pair you up with someone who can be this vital resource for your new business.

A SCORE mentor will also provide assistance with writing that business plan and probably will know a bit about the loneliness you are trying to address. If anything, they can provide referrals to others within the SCORE and SBA organization who can better help you.

When you are on your own, you will also not have employees or co-workers. It is important that you don’t burden your immediate family with this either. Instead, begin by hiring a contractor to provide a specific service for your business that you are not very skilled in. While a contractor is not an employee or co-worker, they will provide a sense of being part of a team.

Now I’m not suggesting that you should treat contractors the same way as co-workers or employees. However, the idea that you are all working to meet a specific goal provides comfort and a sense of structure, even if it is unspoken.

Speaking of structure, that is another thing that needs to be rebuilt when a company is no longer there to provide it. Human resources is no longer there, so you need to establish your own procedures for payroll (paying yourself), laying funds aside for benefits, and even such simple things as dress codes.

Start by dressing for work every morning, even if you will be working from a corner office at home. Then start documenting your income and expenses. Make your home corner office, even if it’s just a table and a chair, as professional as possible. Set up a partition if you need to but make that your place of work.

Set up routines like the ones you had when you were working for a company. If you took a lunch break at 12 noon every day, then do the same now. If you had set times for different tasks like reading email or answering phone calls, do this now as well. If you regularly had a workout routine, then stick to that same routine now.

The reason these routines are important in dealing with loneliness is that they help us not think about that loneliness. They also ensure that you are moving forward in your business, creating little successes along the way. These also help you cope with the loneliness because they lift your spirits. Every milestone reached is a reason to celebrate and a step closer to personal success.

I also mentioned exercise above. This is another important part of dealing with loneliness. As you’ve probably heard already, exercise lifts your spirits and boosts your self-confidence. You may not have access to the company gym anymore, but that is a perfect opportunity to join a local gym instead, where there will be other people.

Keeping an exercise routine also gets you out of the house. Perhaps your previous job didn’t allow for much movement either but at a minimum there was the commute, a daily change of environment from just being home. You will need to find reasons to leave the house now as well, even if it’s just to take a walk around the neighborhood. Of course, each walk is another opportunity to be around other people.

Using social media to do what you need

We’ve already mentioned that social media not the best way to deal with loneliness. That is true, but not all social media is the same. One platform you should definitely be on is Linked In. It really isn’t social media, but rather a place to present yourself to the world professionally. Use it to post your resume and to contribute to groups that have the same professional interests as you.

While often overlooked, Linked In is also a massive database of resources to build on for your business. You can use it to find others like you who are also starting businesses. You can search for contractors and eventually also employees to hire for your business once you are able. It also contains a wealth of information about growing your business.

You may also wish to sign up for the paid Linked In service. This will give you greater insight into the people looking at your profile. This can be very useful to find important contacts from business coaches to contractors who can provide services for your business.

A paid subscription will also give you access to Linked In Learning (formerly Lynda.com), which contains thousands of online classes to improve your skills, everything from highly technical subjects like Perl Programming to Business Management courses – and yes, they have classes on writing a business plan as well. You may also meet new people in those classes.

Facebook is less useful, so I don’t recommend using it actively. However, you could set up a purely professional profile. You could use it to offer advice related to your business and your specific expertise. This way, every time you do post, it is a new opportunity to reach more clients. Of course, this is then also a great place to find fellow professionals and community.

I would steer clear of TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and most other platforms unless you have a specific business need to post there. However, there are many often overlooked places to post online that will help provide outlets for your ideas, platforms to share your skills, and to help build more community:

Job sites like Fivrr, Monster, and Upwork
In addition to providing a platform for posting your resume and searching for contractors/employees, they also have resources for you to post comments and sharing your expertise.

Free blogging platforms like Wordpress, Blogger, Medium, Hubpages, etc.
Often overlooked, blogging is another great option to help people find you and your business online. It is also a great way to build community, and some like Medium will even pay you to post regularly.

Pinterest
Often referred to as the “other social media,” Pinterest is far from being that at all. Pinterest is a free place to share ideas visually. What is so often overlooked is that it is hugely popular with small business owners, especially those working from home. Consequently, it is also a massive search engine for researching ideas visually.

Etsy, eBay, Shopify, Amazon
Obviously, if your small business is product sales, you would likely already be on one of these. All these sites also provide resources for creating a personal profile, sharing opinions about products, and even microblogging and doing product reviews.

Special interest and professional organizations
From alumni websites to labor unions to professional organizations to sororities and fraternities, these are great places to let people learn about you and your business. They are also great places to find community.

Setting up your own website
Most people building a business don’t always think of this right away, but it should be one of the first things to do. This is not just important for your own business, but you can then easily add a blog or maybe even some product reviews. This is also a great way to build community, especially in conjunction with the other services above.

There are obviously many other places to find community online. They can all provide community, assistance with your business, and also a distraction from the loneliness that inevitably comes from striking out on your own.

Of course, there are also many less useful websites and online resources that will not help your address the issue of loneliness. When choosing which platforms to participate in, focus on those that provide more professional services over social ones.

This is not always as easy to do. This is because the most immediate and personal thing that happens when you no longer work at a company is the loss of social interaction. Naturally, our first instinct is to gravitate towards those more socially oriented sites. We must resist those tendencies, no matter how difficult. Fortunately, there are many better alternatives like Linked In, so choose wisely.

Conclusion

Many of the coping mechanisms suggested above have worked for me in the past. Fortunately, most of my focus was on growing the business so I didn’t allow myself to fall into deeper depression. I realize that I’m in the minority and loneliness is often just one of many other aspects of depression that goes unaddressed.

Clinical depression should not be taken lightly. Sometimes it is not something we can break free from on our own. That is when it is best to find a professional psychologist or specialist who can better help address the core issues. While there are certainly resources for that online as well, this should really be addressed in person.

Although the Small Business Association doesn’t have specific services to address clinical depression, they can offer referrals to professionals who can. They are in urban centers throughout the country and that would be a first place to start if you have no other options.

Striking out on one’s own is both exciting and risky. There are aspect to this choice that are not easy, and dealing with loneliness and depression is one big part of this. Every entrepreneur, microbusiness owner, and gig worker deals with these issues at some level.

This article was intended to be an overview of options and resources to deal that can help deal with loneliness as an entrepreneur. It is not intended to be a complete or full-proof approach. Many of these techniques worked for me and I hope they can work for you too. However, if they don’t, please do not hesitate to seek out professional help.