It is now OK to Share Your Personal Experiences on Linked In
Yesterday, someone I follow online responded to a question she had received: “why do you post sexy pictures of yourself?” She does, and to be frank, I wondered myself, but I was too polite to ask. Since this platform was Linked In, a professional networking site, it seemed a bit out of place. After she gave it some thought, she responded with the simple answer: “Being fun, sexy and flirty is part of who I am.”
Now before we dismiss this response, she mentions that she was a dancer and knows a bit about performing, so it really is part of who she is. It is what makes her the person she is representing online. It shows honesty and confidence, two qualities that are important for potential clients and/or companies she may want to work for or with.
Another person I follow shared a story about how she made the difficult decision to have an abortion during a violent and abusive relationship. This was on Linked In, so again, people asked, why should this be shared on a professional platform? Obviously with the recent news on the possibility that the US Supreme Court may overturn Roe v. Wade, this is current news as well, and this is part of the reason this person shared her story.
She also had other valid reasons for posting the story. For one, it’s in her professional wheelhouse as she is a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) specialist. She works on gender equity issues professionally. So this experience is part of who she is personally, but also professionally. Again, it also shows honesty and confidence - if someone were looking to work with her, this is key information.
So yes, sharing this information should be included on professional sites like Linked In, if the user chooses to do so.
Why should things like this be shared on social media?
Some social media platforms exist primarily as forums for discussing social and political issues and an issue like Roe v. Wade should be permissible there. The platform should respect civil discourse, of course. There are differing views on Roe v. Wade, some more accepted than others, but everyone likely to take part in this discussion will have their own unique connection to it at some deep level.
These discussions do need to occur on public forums, so that through a fair, safe, and equitable democratic processes, solutions can emerge to potentially form public policy decisions on. In today’s society, there really is no other place like social media to engage in this process. Unlike ancient times when democracy was still a new concept in early city-states, we are now too numerous to have speaker’s debate at the Pnyx in Athens.
Televised debates are also outdated. This is exemplified by the Republican National Committee’s recent announcement that they would rather skip the 2024 presidential debates. While I don’t agree, their argument hinges on viewership. If advertising interruptions don’t tire out the viewers, there are enough alternative sources of entertainment that people would rather watch. The fact is that most people would rather view the last season of Gray’s Anatomy or tune out all the noise with that old opiate of Monday Night Football.
Social media, on the other hand, provides a different platform. Sure, there are still ads here and there, but for the most part, the discussions can be had online without too much distraction, and at a slower pace allowing for some reflection. This makes it possible to keep the debate more civil and to open it to a much larger audience who can then read and reflect on their own time. Social media is like a slow-motion debate.
It has become the debate stage of modern times. It is a pity that it doesn’t receive that type of attention from politicians and government officials, the ones who are tasked with making decisions on such important issues as Roe v Wade. Perhaps this is why so many people consider many politicians out-of-touch with current events.
Gender dynamics
Since I brought sports into this discussion, I should confront my own male privilege. The choice to ignore the Roe v Wade debate and watch sports is a uniquely male one to make. The reality is that I can’t possibly know how deeply personal abortion is to a woman. The very concept of debating it is physically invasive in a way men cannot comprehend. I don’t just mean this metaphorically. For some women the discussion actually causes physical pain that men cannot feel.
Let that sink in for a minute…
Because of this deeper connection that women have, men need to acknowledge that, for women to share their personal stories about abortion, it becomes an integral part of who they are. To be more specific, it is a big part of how they want to be seen online. Yes, sharing these stories is a choice and men need to fully respect that.
Men need to stop asking why women are sharing this online. Women do not owe men an explanation about that choice. Insisting on one is also a manifestation of privilege.
Let’s be honest. Having to see these stories is not really a burden for men, at least not compared to experiencing birth and/or an abortion. Therefore, it is so often repeated that if men could bear children, abortion would be a sacred part of all our lives.
It likely would have been codified into religious texts long ago. One can imagine those monks in their monasteries fervently incorporating this sacrament into the scriptures between spasms of back pain, bloating, peeing every few hours, mood swings, nausea, and yes, also tender, swollen breasts. Surely, if that was the case, it would be understandable that childbirth would not be the only option available.
In all seriousness, the experience is very real for more than half of all Americans: women. Yet even today, any decision on abortion is made primarily by the half that has the least experience with it: men. Even when women are part of the discussion, it is always as a minority voice simply because in government, they are a minority.
At the risk of oversimplifying this, the abortion debate is less about biology or legality and more about simple arithmetic: a supreme court with six men and three women cannot and should not in good conscience decide this. Those six men cannot simply “empathize” and reach a fair decision – they are just too far removed from it. It would be more equitable if they would recuse themselves and let the women on the court decide the case. The same can be said for lower courts which are also overwhelmingly seated by men.
Allowing men to decide this for women is unfair, as it has been for a very long time. The pro-choice and anti-choice sides may never agree on exactly when life starts, from when an egg is fertilized to when a viable child is born. However, neither side can ignore the fact that women should have a larger say in that decision. That should be simple enough to agree on.
And yet, that is not where we are as country.
So, what can be done?
Since most people can agree that women should have a larger say in this decision, then why is this “say” not possible online? When men tell women that they should not share their personal abortion stories online, they are doing exactly what the supreme court is doing; they are perpetuating an unfair system that has oppressed women for millennia. With social media, there is an opportunity to bring a little more fairness to that discussion.
The issue of abortion is uniquely a women’s issue. Inserting men into the decision is limiting their voices and harkens back to times when a woman’s voice was worth only a fraction of a man’s. This is what is being done when men criticize the choice to talk about abortion. Surely, today, online, men can see women in their entirety, not just the “fun, sexy and flirty” parts?
Yes, this post is primarily directed at men, but also at those women and others that frown upon courageous women who chose to speak about their abortion experiences online. I am not saying everyone should do so, but if they want to share this part of who they are, even on a professional platform like Linked In, then they should do so!
And to those who are just standing on the sidelines, you need to do that without prejudice, repression, or vitriol; expressing that discontent only betrays how little the rest of us really know about you.
