Why You Should Have a Tribe

The day before we celebrated our daughter’s 15th birthday and her quinceañera, my wife organized an online meeting with all the women that had an impact on our daughter’s life. Some of these were family, long-time friends, teachers, and even her nanny when she was much younger. Because it was all online, we had people from all over, even as far as Europe and the Middle East. The purpose was for each of these amazing women to give our daughter a bit of advice about adulthood.

As it turns out, we also did this for our son’s 16th birthday a while back. We invited men who had a significant impact in his life up to that point. While that first online meeting was a bit tricky to coordinate (one person even zoomed in while he was traveling in his car), it was a huge success. Some people thought it would be a great idea for their children too.

So why did we do this? To create a tribe. Why are we talking about this on a blog about small businesses? Because small business owners should have one too. If you are a small business owner and haven’t created a tribe yet, then this article is for you.

The Tribe Concept

Receiving wisdom from older members of one’s tribe is a very old idea that predates our time. When humans were still primarily nomadic, they organized similar meetings for young men and women as they came of age.

This has trickled down to more modern times. The Spartans had a similar ceremony, quite a bit more dramatic, although probably not as fantastic as depicted in the Hollywood movie 300. Likewise, Vikings initiated their warriors (both men and women) by visiting the holy site of Uppsala when they came of age. In the Sioux nation a young man would invite the old men of the tribe to enjoy a fancy feast that he had prepared and to hear them pass on their wisdom.

While the passing on of that wisdom is important, it is the connection that is made between generations is the key. While our teen-aged children may not remember everything that was revealed to them in their surprise zoom meeting – yes, we kept it a surprise – they now have resources that they can go back to for advice later.

That connection that they now have, sometimes with adults they hadn’t spoken to in some time, is what is so important. Children, and especially teen-agers need a support network that they can ask questions of, meet with when times are tough, and ask for help from. Teen-agers are transitioning in many ways into adulthood, and this can be a difficult time. Having trusted adults who have some experience about that transition, is incredibly important.

Sure, we will always be there as their parents, but as anyone who has gone through the teen-age years knows well enough, that is not a time when they will share much with their own parents, or their siblings either. They would rather dismiss their families by saying they already know the answers, but they can’t so easily dismiss the members of their tribe.

Building on the idea

This isn’t just important for when they are teen-agers. We hope that their tribe will be a resource for them as they grow older too. Perhaps someone in their tribe will become much more important in their lives in the future. They may offer them a job, or they may be able to connect them to others who can help them in their careers. They could also become a trusted counselor when no one else can – after all, there is a familiarity there that isn’t yet there with people they will meet later.

We also don’t mean for this relationship to be entirely one-sided. Perhaps our children will be able to help connect someone in their tribe with a new business connection as well. Or for a more personal example, our children could offer someone in their tribe a much-needed kidney. The relationship can become one of mutual help and respect, and we certainly hope this is the case.

There is one other very important reason why we believe that this is such an important thing to do for our children. Creating a tribe for them is an example, not just one that we hope they will do for their own children, but also one that exemplifies a very effective way to solve problems and succeed in this world.

As recent events have shown, the world is a daunting place. There will be many challenges for future generations to address, from climate concerns to social conflicts to economic concerns. Working together, especially by combining the wisdom of different generations, may be the most effective way that society can meet the challenges of tomorrow.

…But I didn’t get a tribe when I was younger

We understand that what we are doing is a bit unique, but it is more common that you might think. It exists in the many coming-of-age experiences that people celebrate, from quinceañeras to fraternal initiations – some are more beneficial than others, but we all have some transitioning ceremonies in our lives. Even a birthday party can be such an occasion, as it was for our children.

OK, maybe you didn’t have any such experiences in your life. Maybe your childhood was particularly challenging. There are even religions that don’t celebrate birthdays and we understand that. However, this is no reason to not have a tribe, even if that is something you just learned about reading this article. You can organize this yourself too, although ideally, you will want friend to help you organize a tribe meeting for you.

The one very helpful thing is that we now have technology to make this very much simpler than it was in the past. Just think of the difficulty in traveling all the way up to Uppsala by boat and on foot if you were a Viking… We now have Zoom/Teams/Hangouts/Skype/etc. that allows us to invite people no matter where they are in the world – yes even if they are in Uppsala.

We would recommend that you prepare your tribe for the meeting before hand – maybe you can send them a link to this article. This way, they will have an idea for what it is. You can also make it more festive, by having everyone pour themselves a glass of wine before starting. You can add a little intro music clip at the beginning too… a good presentation is always appreciated.

The point is that having your first tribe meeting does not need to occur when you are a teen-ager. While that is certainly an impressionable time of our lives, it is also a time we tend to be highly distractable. When you are older, you have the advantage of being more focused and serious, and you will likely retain more of what your tribe tells you.

As we explained, it isn’t just about that initial first tribe meeting, either. It is about the relationships that you create and that you can develop over time. You need to think of your tribe as a living, breathing thing. You will need to nurture it and in return, it will nurture you. It will be your well of knowledge, your inspiration, your circle of trust, and your partner in success… and who knows how far that success will go.

OK, so why do I need this for my business?

Starting a business is difficult but it is made easier with the help of others. Human beings are social beings, in ways greater and more complex than any other creature on this planet. It is the key to success, and especially for those starting some thing new, like a business.

Look at the many interviews we have done over the years of startups, small business owners, and even medium-sized business experts on our home page. Collaboration, peer mentorship, family and community all play a critical role in their success.

The detail that is often missed, however, is the multi-generational knowledge that is so important to this success. Knowledge built on experience comes from this information being passed down to the next generation.

This is where the tribe comes in. You can probably do well enough in business by hiring the best experts to help you along the way, but if they are all about the same age as you, then you will still be at a disadvantage. You will not compete as well with those who have built their business on the knowledge of older generations who can provide that diversity of experience.

As we also mentioned, it is reciprocal, so your knowledge can also be passed on to them, and this could open new doors of thought into new solutions. Likewise, you should also reach out to younger people to build your tribe, not just as mentor, but also to learn from them.

This flow of information between generations is the key to innovation and greater success.

Conclusion

No, we don’t know if our children will be solving the world’s most complex problems. Honestly, we just want them to have the best information right now while they are transitioning to adulthood. Yet, we are optimistic about the future, and our contagious optimism is one piece of wisdom we are passing on to our children right now.

For them to be as prepared as possible, we want to give our children all the tools that we can to help them be as successful in the world as well. So, for our children, we decided to use an age-old tradition: the idea of giving them a tribe, or at least the beginning of one.

We do hope that their tribes will grow. We hope that these will become valuable sources of wisdom, assistance, and comfort. We hope that these tribes will be reciprocal. Finally, we hope that they will be an example of how to succeed in the world, for them and for everyone else as well.